


into the rushing road below

by nilyn (escherzo)



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/M, M/M, Open Marriage, Road Trips, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-11
Updated: 2008-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 15:38:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escherzo/pseuds/nilyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Come with me. Just for a little while," Gerard repeats, and this time, Mikey says yes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	into the rushing road below

"You should come with me."   
  
Gerard brings it up late one night, standing in Mikey's kitchen. Mikey's smiling and laughing, refilling Gerard's mug of coffee every time he so much as takes a sip, and Gerard's never been more stupidly in love with his brother than this; Mikey leaning against Alicia, eyes half-closed, smiling blissfully with the soft glow of the kitchen's light overhead falling on his face. Gerard notices everything now, the soft, tangled mess of Mikey's hair, Alicia's hand on his waist, slipping under the back of his shirt, the way Mikey's fingers curl around his coffee mug. His memories never used to have this kind of sharpness, but he thinks that if he tried to draw this scene now he would get everything, every detail.  
  
"You miss the road?" Mikey asks softly, and Gerard can't bring himself to be embarrassed when he nods. He does, always. Staying in one place doesn't sit well with him, makes him irritable and stir-crazy, and there's a sort of formless ache when he has to try to settle down. Even in his thoughts he paces. He's lucky Lyn understands that kind of thing.  
  
He misses her.  
  
"I don't know, are you going to return him in one piece?" Alicia asks him, eyebrows raising, and Mikey grins. She and Mikey act like each other more and more every day Gerard sees them, and he knows he needs this—needs to be around just Mikey for a while, without the interruption of the band. He never got the chance when Mikey came back from his honeymoon.   
  
"Of course." Gerard fakes as much offence as he can manage and then smiles, soft. "Come on, you two have the rest of your lives together, you can share for a week or two."   
  
"It's not like I'm chained up in the basement, I'm still going to come back with you when the break ends. And I'm still your brother."   
  
But it's different now.  _Mikey's_  different now. He changes with everyone he meets, and Gerard wants to see how he's changed this time, because of  _her_. He's always in the background when they're on the road with the others, and there's no chance for alone time in the constant, hectic rush of touring.  
  
"Come with me. Just for a little while," Gerard repeats, and this time, Mikey says yes.  
  


  
  
He buys the dye a few days later.  
  
It feels like it makes the trip more real, more of an event, and if he bothered to think about he might wonder why. It's no different than being on the road, but when he's leaning over the tub, watching the way the bright pink water falls from his hair, he's reminded of bleaching his hair at the start of Black Parade. It's a  _something_. He can't exactly pinpoint what, but something in him knows it before it even happens, knows  _this will change things._  
  
He thinks it looks pretty cool; Mikey takes one look at him as he's drying it and starts laughing.   
  
"Oh my god, your  _hair_ ," he wheezes, staring at the floor like he'll burst into another fit of giggles if he looks up at Gerard again. "You look like Strawberry Shortcake."   
  
"Do not."  
  
"No, dude, you really do."   
  
Gerard just grins helplessly, glad at least to have made Mikey happy. It's all he can ask for, some days. He doesn't let himself consider all of the other thoughts that go along with looking at Mikey, making Mikey smile; those are for other times, and if he's going to spend the next week and a half in a car with Mikey, he can't let himself think about them at all. At least, not for now.   
  
"Go get ready to go. And stop  _laughing_ , asshole."   
  


  
  
They set out early on a Monday morning when the sun's only just starting to peek above the horizon, the neighborhood still and silent. Gerard's barely awake at best, clutching a cup of coffee and sipping between yawns. His bones still ache a little and he tries to tell himself it isn't because he's old, it isn't. It's just too early to get going.   
  
Mikey's already in the car, waiting for him.  
  
"How come we're leaving so early?" he asks, slumped down in his seat, one hand clutched around the coffee cup in the cupholder. Gerard can't focus enough to be able to tear his eyes away for a moment, just looking, and for a moment the silence between them seems almost uneasy, tense with things unsaid. He grips the steering wheel tight, grits his teeth for just a second. He can do this. He's been dealing with this kind of thing since he was a teenager.  
  
"'Cause there's nobody on the road yet. I'm a shitty driver, okay? I don't want to make us crash."  
  
"Never crashed the van," Mikey mumbles, and Gerard knows he isn't saying the rest,  _even though you were drunk then_ , and he's grateful for that.   
  
"Yeah, well." Gerard just shakes his head, fumbling around in his bag for something, some CD, to put in to break the silence. This isn't the point of this, he didn't convince Mikey to come with him because he wanted to just drive and not talk, but he's always needed his defenses. This is no exception.   
  
They drive without talking for the first two hours and Mikey sleeps in the passenger seat, oblivious to the changing scenery. Gerard hums along to the radio, mouthing the words sometimes because he knows if he starts singing he'll get carried away, get too loud. He's been resting his voice these days, just in case.  
  
He wants to just watch for a little while; he's not sure if he's watching Mikey or the dawn anymore.   
  


  
  
"How long did I sleep?" Mikey asks, rubbing his eyes. It's well-past noon now, and Mikey's fumbling for sunglasses the minute he gets his eyes more than half-open.   
  
"A while." Gerard shrugs, keeping his eyes on the road. He knows he needs to stop soon, before the neverending lines of the lanes blur together and the rumble of the engine lulls him into a sort of half-conscious state where he can't react to anything fast enough. "I think we're… I don't really know where we are," he admits finally, shaking his head to try to clear it. He needs to focus on the signs. "Probably still in Jersey."   
  
Mikey nods, not looking over. "I. Why did you want me to come with you?" he asks finally, quiet, and Gerard forgets to breathe for one long second. There's more than one reason that he wants to say but only one he can, and he doesn't know how to say even that.  
  
"How've you been?" It's not a real answer, but it's the closest he can come to one.   
  
"Okay," Mikey says, still in the same quiet tone. "It's not like she's going to steal me. You know that, right?" He finally looks up and meets Gerard's eyes.  
  
"I know."   
  
It's only half a lie; it's not like Gerard dislikes Alicia—he thinks she's one of the best things that's ever happened to Mikey, and she's a fantastic person, but he can't help the twinge of jealousy when he sees how close they are. He wonders what Mikey's told her, if she knows some of the secrets that used to be his alone to keep.  
  
He knows it shouldn't bother him, but it does. He wonders if Mikey thinks the same about Lyn, sometimes.  
  
Mikey sighs, running a hand through his hair. "We should stop for some coffee."   
  
A peace offering. Gerard can't help loving that Mikey knows him well enough to know when to offer it.   
  


  
  
"I can't believe you bought that, oh my god."  
  
They stumble back to the car together, clumsy with laughter, and Gerard clutches his plastic bag tight with one hand, the other linked with Mikey's, pulling him across the parking lot. He never wants to leave this moment.  
  
"Come on, you know eau de Dr. Pepper is the new scent of the season," Gerard says, trying to make it sound as dramatic as possible, doing a little kickstep as he walks. "You're lucky you have me around to teach you these things."   
  
"If you were any campier…" Mikey's eyebrows go up and Gerard has the sudden, strong urge to lean forward and kiss them. He could get away with it, right now. He just wants to see the reaction.   
  
"I'd be a campground," he finishes with a grin, finally separating from Mikey so he can unlock the doors of the car. "You want to drive for a while?"   
  
"Yeah, sure. And put up the air freshener, it smells like something died in here."   
  
"Like you?"  
  
"Zombie Way," Mikey intones, starting the car. "That's me. Now with extra desire for brains. Buy one today."  
  


  
  
They keep driving for the next two days, not wanting to stop just yet, and Gerard can feel the travel-ache of touring starting to settle into his bones again. He likes it. It's familiar. Sometimes he needs to hold onto those things, the little details that make him remember, bits and snatches of blurred memories from before he was sober. He doesn't tell Mikey that part; these days, he keeps more secrets than he tells. But he needs to remember them, because every moment of his days since then is crystal clear in his memory, but he has a gaping space where his life should be when he goes back further than that.  
  
He closes his eyes and lets himself relax, letting the memories slip back to him, focusing on nothing but the rain drumming against the windshield and the soft hum of the defroster, the back-forth of the wiper blades. Last night he got a snatch of a concert in Michigan, or maybe Minnesota, just something with an M when he looked out the van window as they crossed the state line; all he could remember about it was stumbling off the stage and having Mikey pick him back up when he fell.  
  
Most of the memories that come back are about Mikey. He tries not to analyze that too closely.   
  
"You know," he comments, eyes still closed, "you never told me much about your comic. Not fair."   
  
"Jesus." Mikey sounds startled and Gerard can feel the car swerve a little. "I thought you were asleep."  
  
"Not anymore." Gerard doesn't bother with the  _never was_ , just opens his eyes and looks over. "So, come on. You're following in my footsteps. I want to know some details."  
  
Mikey's face falls and Gerard immediately regrets it. He's never been the little brother, never been the one who didn't do things first, but he knows he should know better than that. He knows Mikey is compared to him constantly,  _the untalented one, the little brother, the slow one_ , and he knows this will be no exception. He hates it.   
  
"I'm not following in your footsteps," Mikey says, keeping his expression carefully neutral. "I'm doing fucking  _Batman_. Top that."   
  
"You're doing Batman?" Gerard asks, letting himself smile. "And you never invited me? That's not fair."   
  
"Batman doesn't like incestuous threesomes," Mikey informs him, deadpan. "Sorry. I think Superman's still fair game, though."   
  


  
  
It's late, late enough that Gerard is ready to stop for the night, the sky dark and full of stars, and all he can see is the glow of the lights from the other cars. The road stretches out in front of him in a straight line as far as the headlights show him, and past that, nothing except empty blackness. Mikey hasn't said anything in almost a half hour, busy typing away furiously at his Sidekick, texting someone. Gerard wonders who; he thinks it might be Alicia, but isn't sure. He's never sure when it comes to people Mikey knows.  
  
"Hey," Mikey says finally, looking up, and Gerard can only see his outline in the green-blue glow of the dials on the inside of the car. "Don't take this the wrong way, okay?"  
  
That's all the warning Gerard gets before Mikey leans forward and kisses him.  
  
Gerard's first instinct is to pull back immediately, but he can't bring himself to for a moment, not when Mikey's lips are on his, dry and a little chapped but the kind of kiss that Gerard knows isn't just a brotherly peck.   
  
"I'm  _driving_ ," he offers weakly as he pulls away, deciding to pull over onto the side of the road. The car slows, rumbling to a stop and he tries not to let nervousness set in, even when Mikey reaches forward and his hands encircle Gerard's wrists, even when he pulls Gerard forward to kiss him again. "What are you doing?" Gerard tries again, heart thumping erratically, and he can't breathe. He just can't.   
  
"Was I wrong?" Mikey asks, in that quiet way of his. "It's not like I don't notice you look."   
  
"No, I." Gerard flushes, glad the darkness hides the shame written all over his face. "You're not wrong. But you're  _married_ , Mikey, you can't." He is too, but with a wife who knows, even if she doesn't understand it.   
  
Mikey hands his Sidekick to Gerard, not looking at him, and from the light of the screen Gerard can tell Mikey is a little red too. "The last message," he mumbles, and when Gerard reads it he can't help boggling a little.  
  
'I already told you I was fine w/ it if it happened. Just kiss him already, stupid'   
  
"Oh," Gerard manages faintly, feeling stupid. "Um. What?" His eyes keep darting back to Mikey's lips, remembering what they felt like against his. He knows he shouldn't be thinking about it—but to be fair, Mikey did kiss him first.   
  
"I have no idea how, but somehow Alicia is okay with me being creepy and incestuous?" Mikey shrugs. "So if you want to kiss me instead of just staring... that would be good."   
  
"Oh," Gerard says again, and this time, he decides to just go for it, reaching forward clumsily in the dark to cup the side of Mikey's face, steady himself as he leans in, pressing his lips to Mikey's slowly. It's like something in him snaps, some part of him he's been trying to repress for years finally being set free, and he has to keep himself from pushing too far, too fast, his mouth coaxing Mikey's open, pressing Mikey back just a little, and he wants nothing more than to just find somewhere to stay for a while and make for the backseat like he and Mikey are teenagers again, strip him naked so he can explore every inch of him. For now, though, he settles on kissing Mikey until he feels like his breath is gone, tongue sliding against Mikey's, hand sliding into his hair just to have something to hold onto. It's definitely a little sloppy, but it's hard and deep and he never wants to pull away if he can help it.   
  
There are about a hundred and one things wrong with what they're doing—he's kissing his brother by the side of a road in the middle of nowhere, hands sneaking down to brush against the waistband of Mikey's jeans, and he knows if he doesn't pull away soon things are going to go further than they should sooner than they should. There's time for all of that later, time for hotel rooms and silent prayers that no one recognizes who they are, time for everything Gerard's thought of doing to Mikey finally getting to be a reality.   
  
For now, he's content to lose himself in the kiss, eyes closed to the rest of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Not real, don't Google yourself, etc.


End file.
